Letting go is hard–one mother’s story
It has been over two weeks since I dropped my youngest son off at college, so I have gotten over the initial void I felt everyday and the teariness that overcame me as I walked by his empty room.
But, it is funny how difficult it is to let go of the daily news blasts from your children, or the knowledge of who they’re with and what they’re doing. I find that as long as I know where he is (or should be), like a class or crew practice, I can have a visual in my head of how he’s doing. It’s the other times–the weekends and evenings–where I really feel the need to find out where he is so I can imagine his comings and goings.
I think these obsessions/neuroses I have are just an outgrowth of survival of the species. I think that they are hardwired into mothers as a way to protect their young. So I’m not embarrassed by them. But I do need to figure out how to control them, especially because my kids are pretty darn safe (I hope), at a good college, and don’t need me to worry about them every day. In fact, I think they’d be horrified if they knew I did so!
One way I know I can calm myself down is by reading Katrina Kenison’s words in THE GIFT OF AN ORDINARY DAY. I’ve been working with Katrina for the last couple of years on this book and I have to say her emails with draft chapters got me through two kids’ college applications processes. She reminds us that our children do not need our hovering or our controlling them when they’re teens. What they need is for us to have confidence in them, knowing they may fail, but that they’ll be okay. And, ultimately they’ll succeed on their own and that will give them the confidence they need. They’ll figure it out. In fact, a beautiful essay from the book will be excerpted in the October issue of Family Circle. It is about her 9th grade son trying out for the basketball team and the heartbreak, but ultimately success and self-knowledge he earned from that challenge.
I will reread another chapter tonight and take strength from Katrina’ insights about letting go, and about finding beauty, grace and transformation in the ordinary days of our life…and maybe on Saturday I’ll call my sons!
Filed under: Boomers
